Being in Control and OCD – By Sergio Ocampo, LMFT, SEP
What is it when we have the same idiosyncratic habits we never break with? Why do we do the same things over and over again, expecting one result and getting another? When will we simplify our lives without so many constraints?
When we find ourselves ritualistically following habits which make daily living more complicated, we may be experiencing a struggle with control.
Wanting to control, or feel in control masks a deeper drive. It is the strong internal need to feel safe.
By controlling our environment and circumstances that may affect us, we are able to feel we can keep ourselves safe. This may happen in a variety of ways: Always walking or driving the exact same pathways, never choosing any other route, even if it may be shorter; or following exacting rituals for completing any task, even if it could be done quicker in another, more abridged way.
We can see that there is little logic or practicality in rituals and habits which make us feel in control. They emerge spontaneously and, often, we are unaware of their presence.
We carry out our daily life creating a sense of order and safety through our daily actions. This is part of normal human life. When these habits become pronounced, getting in the way of our relationships and, more importantly, consume our physical or emotional energy, we should be concerned.
Control is fundamental to human existence. Without it we could not have survived on this planet for long. It has allowed us to form survival strategies that control certain parts of our environment towards providing food, shelter and safety. However, when this control becomes repetitive, unreasonable, and exhausting, there is an internal fire feeding this drive.
The answer may lie in our past.
When we have undergone overwhelming experiences, especially as children, the effects may remain inside. These may show up as anxiety, fear and a sense of heightened vigilance.
This heightened vigilance, also named hyper-vigilance, place us as higher stress levels in our minds and bodies. Here we are constantly scanning for threats, “lest that scary, terrible thing that happened to me might again rear its ugly head, I will be on alert, I will be ready!”
Our best strategy seems to be always vigilant and try to control our environment carefully and thoroughly. Here is where being in control comes in. It becomes a primary survival strategy: “I must take control by doing what I feel I need to do, always”
Being always in control works until it doesn’t. It can become exhausting and constraining. It may mean we isolate ourselves in limited, well managed places to the point of withdrawal from the world and people. It is where Obsessive Compulsive tendencies live and can grow to OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) symptoms.
Our wanting to obsessively control our environment comes from a drive deep within: our nervous system has experienced overwhelming events which have become stuck, unfinished, in our body and mind. Unwinding these stuck patterns eventually will begin to resolve our need to control. The drive to make sure we are constantly safe will dwindle because the internal threat response will be re-set to normal. We then feel more at peace, safer – Such control will no longer be necessary
Sergio Ocampo specializes in the use of Somatic Experiencing and EMDR to help his clients resolve past difficult and overwhelming experiences. His practice is located in Los Angeles, California.